


Please

by orphan_account



Series: What you want, What you need [1]
Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Basically, Bullying, Character Death, Coming Out, Crushes, Did I Mention Angst?, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm just gonna let you know, Implied/Referenced Sex, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Poor Tom, READ NOTES, Smoking, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, THIS IS SO LONG, They get outed, Underage Smoking, check notes for warnings, hehe, i love them, like wow, no spoilers!, please, poor boys, rebel boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-16 07:32:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17545370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: AU  where you get your soulmate when you turn 13 or olderTom Holland got his soulmark later than most, only to discover that it was his best friend, Harrison Osterfield. As soon as this is revealed to the two of them, of course, they strike up a relationship. But when more problems arise and a seemingly impossible amount of crying come their way, things seem to get pretty shitty. (Just like this summary!)





	1. Author's Note

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jeston17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeston17/gifts).



> This might actually be the longest thing I've ever written. Like,, it's impossibly long. I hope anyone who reads it has the patience to, I'm not sure how I'll divide it up because I just wrote it as one huge-ass thing. I literally listened to the same 3 songs while writing this (if i get high - NBT, old money - Lana Del Ray, sign of the times - Harry Styles). ANYWAYS, PLEASE CHECK BELOW FOR WARNINGS!!! (and a disclaimer!) 
> 
> WARNINGS:  
> There are mentions of abuse (physical and verbal, father abuses son), bullying, and homophobia. Additionally, past family member death. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER:  
> I'm not assuming anything about the Holland or Osterfield families or any other characters! This is a work of fiction! 
> 
> Anyways, I'm gifting this to Jeston17 bc I LOVE their work with this ship <3

Hello everyone!  
I know, you don't want to hear from me. You want to read this gd fic! BUT I HAVE A QUESTION!!  
Would y'all mind if I posted this as one big thing? Or would you prefer different (but still slightly large) chapters?? Please comment what you'd prefer, it'll help me with the updates. If I were to post it as one big thing, you might have to wait a bit longer since I have no idea how much longer this will be! But thank you for clicking on it and reading this very important message to anyone reading :,).  
Thank you to everyone who still writes this ship, because they are literally the only things keeping me alive through work :D Lots of love everyone. Catch you on the flippity flop! 

-TH/TP 

Also, have a teaser ;) 

 

Light shining over the primer. Four corners of the frame. Inside, a picture of a man and a woman with a child between them. Tom smiled down at the picture of his family. Well, his family before they gained three more boys and lost… the only woman. He bit his lip and clutched the photo to his chest. You see, he was now thirteen. Sam and Harry were nine. Paddy was five. It had been three years since he lost his mum. They all lost her. Nikki.  
Tom had a habit of running his fingers over the wooden frame when he was anxious, or sad, or trying to remember as much about her before she slipped from his memory. Which he was determined to not let happen. His mum was the only woman who knew he liked other boys. Just before she died in a car incident, Tom had told her that he was confused about how other boys his age seemed to be getting excited over girls. He wasn’t interested, and he was scared to admit that some boys were cute. Nikki had laughed, a gentle laugh, and explained it to him. After she died, when he turned twelve, he had learned enough to understand that he would not be accepted by some people. So he would have his biological family, whenever he was ready to tell them, but also the family he made. The people that love and support him.  
Well, he hadn’t told anybody in his group of friends about the fact that he was gay. But what frightened him the most, what gave him the most anxiety on his thirteenth birthday, was the fact that he could be outed to everyone. When you turn thirteen, you’re supposed to get your soulmark: it’s simply your soulmate’s name appearing on your wrist. Not everybody gets it when they’re thirteen. It’s different for everyone, but most people did get it when they turned thirteen so it was declared the average age to receive your mark.


	2. Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE WE GO LADIES AND GENTS!! I finally figured out how to do this. Good luck! 
> 
> This might actually be the longest thing I've ever written. Like,, it's impossibly long. I hope anyone who reads it has the patience to, I'm not sure how I'll divide it up because I just wrote it as one huge-ass thing. I literally listened to the same 3 songs while writing this (if i get high - NBT, old money - Lana Del Ray, sign of the times - Harry Styles). ANYWAYS, PLEASE CHECK BELOW FOR WARNINGS!!! (and a disclaimer!) 
> 
> WARNINGS:  
> There are mentions of abuse (physical and verbal, father abuses son), bullying, and homophobia. Additionally, past family member death. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER:  
> I'm not assuming anything about the Holland or Osterfield families or any other characters! This is a work of fiction! 
> 
> Anyways, I'm gifting this to Jeston17 bc I LOVE their work with this ship

_One. Two. Three. Four._

Smooth wood under his fingertips.  
  
_One. Two. Three. Four._

Light shining over the primer. Four corners of the frame. Inside, a picture of a man and a woman with a child between them. Tom smiled down at the picture of his family. Well, his family before they gained three more boys and lost… the only woman. He bit his lip and clutched the photo to his chest. You see, he was now thirteen. Sam and Harry were nine. Paddy was five. It had been three years since he lost his mum. They all lost her. Nikki.  
Tom had a habit of running his fingers over the wooden frame when he was anxious, or sad, or trying to remember as much about her before she slipped from his memory. Which he was determined to not let happen. His mum was the only woman who knew he liked other boys. Just before she died in a car incident, Tom had told her that he was confused about how other boys his age seemed to be getting excited over girls. He wasn’t interested, and he was scared to admit that some boys were cute. Nikki had laughed, a gentle laugh, and explained it to him. After she died, when he turned twelve, he had learned enough to understand that he would not be accepted by some people. So he would have his biological family, whenever he was ready to tell them, but also the family he made. The people that love and support him.  
Well, he hadn’t told anybody in his group of friends about the fact that he was gay. But what frightened him the most, what gave him the most anxiety on his thirteenth birthday, was the fact that he could be outed to everyone. When you turn thirteen, you’re supposed to get your soulmark: it’s simply your soulmate’s name appearing on your wrist. Not everybody gets it when they’re thirteen. It’s different for everyone, but most people did get it when they turned thirteen so it was declared the average age to receive your mark.  
Tom desperately wanted to know who his soulmate would be. But at the same time, he didn’t. So he stared at the picture late into the night, until he fell asleep with it cradled against his chest. When he woke up the next day, there was nothing on his wrist. A mixture of relief and disappointment washed over him as he slid out of bed.  
Years would pass. He still wasn’t out to anybody except Nikki, but… she was gone, as observed before. Slowly, everyone around him discovered who their soulmate was. Zendaya, ever the asexual, was relieved when she discovered that her soulmate was Liam, who was also ace. They built up their friendship when they both had their marks (Z got hers before Liam, who got it when he was fourteen.) By the time they were sixteen, they had started dating and were probably the happiest couple in the school. Tom was sixteen, and he still had no idea who his soulmate. Sure, there were a few other kids in his class that hadn’t gotten their name either. Some people had, only to discover that they hadn’t even met them yet. But Tom was desperate to know who was apparently meant for him.  
And hopefully life would allow him to be happy after all these years of anxiety and internalized homophobia.  
It was Thursday. Tom woke up with a buzzing feeling on his wrist. He thought he had slept on it wrong until he took off his shirt to get dressed and noticed a darker mark on the skin. He froze. Dear _God_ , he thought, _Please let it be my soulmark and not some random doodle from Zendaya…_  
A half sob escaped his lips when he saw that it was, indeed, a name. And not just any name. A boy’s name. Not any boy’s. His best friend’s name. Not any best friend. _Harrison Osterfield_. Tom nearly passed out, but he caught himself on the edge of his dresser before he remembered that Harrison still hadn’t gotten his. He didn’t know. And Tom didn’t want to spoil that for him… he ran a hand through his hair and let out a laugh, his eyes still wet with tears. _His soulmate was Harrison._ But now… if anyone saw the name, they would know Tom was gay. They would go after him. _They could go after Harrison, too_. There had been one gay guy before him. He was outed before he even had his soulmark, but he was transferred because of the bullying he received. So… not a good sign for Tom.  
In the end, to hide the name, he wore a hoodie to school that day. It wasn’t unusual for him to wear one, so it was a plus. But in the middle of science class when he raised his hand to answer a question, his sleeve slipped down a little and it seemed as though everyone in the room looked. Tom’s face flashed red. Whispers suddenly filled the room, but the teacher didn’t even seem to notice. He just went on with the lesson. Tom could feel the eyes on him.  
_Thank God Harrison wasn’t in that class_.  
The feeling of everyone staring and whispering got to be too much for the boy. Zendaya seemed to be the only sympathetic face in the room. Tom lurched as if he was going to throw up and sprinted out of the room towards the boy’s bathroom. There, he locked himself in a stall and hurled up the bagel he had for breakfast. As well as the orange juice. Which definitely did not leave a pleasant taste in his mouth. As he gasped for breath and wiped away his tears, he pushed himself up off the floor. The bell was due to ring any minute now. Tom just needed to get up and act as if nothing happened…  
He walked out into the hall of students. It was lunchtime now. He walked to the cafeteria and took a seat where he usually did. People began to filter in and out of the lunchroom, Zendaya, Jacob, Tony, Zach, Harrison, Laura, and Remy all say at his table. He greeted all of them: only Laura and Zendaya were in his science class, which mean none of the others knew about about Tom being gay except those two. Unless word had really spread around that fast..,  
“So, who is it?” Zendaya asked, nudging Tom’s shoulder.  
Everyone looked up at Tom. “You got your soulmark?!” Jacob said, his eyes wide. “Dude, it’s about time!”  
“Now Harrison here is the only one at the table without a name,” Remy chuckled, patting Haz on the back.  
Harrison blushed and shrugged. “M’ not bothered. Not sure if I’m ready to find out who h-she is.”  
Tom’s heart sank. Harrison was straight. Maybe it was a different Harrison…? He shuddered and continued to eat his PB&J sandwich. Z jabbed him in the ribs again.  
“Hey. Who is it?”  
Tom shrugged. “They don’t go to our school.”  
Everyone at the table seemed to deflate. It was always exciting when it happened to be someone in your school, but that definitely wasn’t the case with everyone.  
“Can we at least know the name?” Tony asked.  
Tom was about to say some random name when the bell rang, signifying that it was time for their next class. He rushed out with his backpack practically spilling over. When he rushed in, everyone froze and turned to look at him. He nearly collapsed back into himself, but he kept his head down and made his way to his desk where his lab partner would be waiting… and of course, when he’d had to choose at the beginning of the year, he went with his best mate. Harrison. Tom nearly passed out when Harrison saw him and smiled, waving him over to his seat.  
“Hey mate,” Harrison said. “Congrats by the way. Whoever you’ve got is a lucky girl.”  
Tom shrugged. “Well-“  
“Faggot,” someone whispered as they walked past his desk. Tom clenched his eyes shut and gripped his pencil. Harrison stared in awe, but then shot a glare at the student who had said the slur.  
“Got a problem, mate?” he snapped.  
The student rolled their eyes and sat down. Harrison turned back to Tom. “So it’s a guy?” he asked in a hushed tone.  
Tom nodded, biting his lip. “Uh- y-yeah.”  
Harrison gave him a small smile. “As long as he ends up making you happy, I’ll be here to support you,” he said.  
Tom almost choked on his own spit. “Yeah. T-thanks Haz.”  
“Just one question…” Harrison began. “Is that what happened earlier? In your other class? I’d heard people talking about your sleeve falling down but I never heard anything about it being a boy’s name… do other people know the name?”  
Tom shrugged. “Yeah, people probably know the name. I dunno, it was only a glimpse really.”  
Harrison nodded. “Well… are you gonna show me?”  
Luckily for Tom, the teacher started talking. “Maybe another time,” he whispered, quickly taking out his pencil to take notes. Harrison sighed and turned to his own paper, writing stuff down before they started the lab.  
Weeks passed. Weeks turned to months. Tom’s father still didn’t know he had gotten his soulmark, but his three younger brothers had noticed a slight mood shift with him and asked questions. Paddy didn’t really understand the idea of gay men yet, but they were all accepting. The next thing Tom knew, it was Harrison’s birthday. And he was probably more nervous than the birthday boy himself.  
He got to school and all he could do was look down at his shoes. The rumors of him being gay after the incident hadn’t stopped, and he had been constantly hounded by the bullies to the point where he skipped school once or twice. He tried not to let it affect his grades, and it never did. Dom never found out about the bruises Tom had on his torso and arms, about the words that hurt deeper. He didn’t want this for Harrison. But he couldn’t stop it from happening.  
He got to class. No Harrison in this period, but next period for sure. He was almost relieved, but he wanted to know if the name on his wrist really did belong to his best friend. It could be any Harrison, really… if it wasn’t was his best friend, it would just be a coincidence, right?  
But he hoped it was. His crush had only developed more since he got his mark. Luckily no one seemed to notice.  
The day crept in the slowest way possible. Tom was nearly clawing his eyes out by the time it was his last period class: he’d had a different lunch than Harrison, of all days. When he finally stumbled into class, Harrison was sitting at his desk and organizing his things. A bandana was tied around his wrist.  
Mustering up all his courage, Tom took a step forward and sat down next to him.  
“Hey, Happy Birthday mate,” he said with a small smile.  
Harrison looked up at him and grinned. “Aw, hey Tommy! Haven’t seen you all day, thank you.”  
Tom shrugged, and glanced at the bandana. “So…? It’s happened, huh? Who is it?”  
Harrison shrugged. “I got too nervous this morning and didn’t look. Maybe after school when I’ve relaxed a bit… there are a lot of projects coming up due, you know?”  
Tom was practically shaking from his nerves. He laughed, and begged to anyone above that it wouldn’t come across as some weird awkward laugh. “Ah yeah… well I’m sure whoever it is is a lucky gu- person!”  
Harrison shrugged and winked. “What can I say? I’ve got quite the charm.”  
Tom laughed again and wiped a hand over his forehead. He felt like he was going to pass out, so he slumped back against his chair and took a few breath. In the end, the last class went by too fast for Tom’s liking and he longed for the slowness of the previous hours. When the bell rang, he swung his backpack over his shoulder and looked up at Harrison.  
“So um… have fun?”  
“Well, I guess I don’t have a choice,” Harrison replied, giving him a small smile. Tom nearly melted at the sight of it and just nodded, his mouth twitching as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t. “See you tomorrow!”  
As Harrison walked off with a wave in one direction down the street, Tom sprinted back home and ran to his room, unprompted by his dad or his brothers. Flopping down on his bed, he sighed and shoved his face into his pillow. Within a few minutes, he was asleep.  
He awoke to the feeling of his phone vibrating under his pillow. For a moment, he forgot all about the anxiety he had been feeling at school concerning Harrison and his soulmark. Until he saw the messages that he was receiving.  
_Hazzy: hey. can we meet up somewhere?_  
Hazzy: i need to talk to you  
Hazzy: i think you know what this is about  
Tom bit his lip before answering.  
Tom: uh sure. gas station or…?  
Hazzy: somewhere more private  
Hazzy: y’know, i’ll just come and pick you up in 5  
Tom: okayyy… see you then  
Hazzy: See u   
Tom gulped and leaned his head back against the wall behind his bed. Five minutes. Sitting up, he grabbed a hoodie from the end of his bed and slipped it over his head. It was too big, but he had gotten it that way and it didn’t seem like the kids these days were complaining. Besides… Harrison had been the one to give it to him for his birthday. And not to mention, it had the official BLOOM tour from Troye Sivan printed on it.  
Dom gave Tom a questioning look as he passed through the kitchen, but Tom just gave a small smile and put a hand up to say goodbye. Harry, Sam, and Paddy were all working on their own homework at the table.  
“Where’re you going Tommy?” asked Paddy, always the curious one.  
“Just out,” Tom called back, shutting the door behind him and ending the conversation. Yeah, he loved his younger brothers, but… whatever Harrison wanted to say seemed a little more important. While he waited, he scuffed his shoe on the sidewalk and fidgeted with his fingers. When Harrison’s car pulled up in front of him and the passenger’s door was pushed open, his heart fell to his stomach.  
“Get in,” Harrison said. With nothing but a nod, Tom climbed into the black truck and shut the door behind him. Without buckling in, he looked out the window as Harrison began to drive again. They both sat in silence, the only sound being when Harrison switched gears on the stick shift. They’d been driving for what seemed like a while before Harrison pulled to the side of the road and onto a dirt path. The truck rumbled a little further until they came to a big clearing, huge fields stretching out before them. He stopped the car and took the keys out of the ignition. Without another word, he got out of the car. Tom assumed this meant he had to as well, so he followed to the back where Harrison had put down the flap and was sitting with a pack of cigarettes in hand. Tom relaxed a bit at the sight: they had made a pact as friends when they started smoking that they would try to limit themselves so they wouldn’t be full-time smokers. And they weren’t, it was just a sort of hobby. The sun was beginning to set and the air was getting colder. Tom’s sweatshirt wasn’t helping very much, but Harrison was wearing a wool-lined jean jacket as he took a drag.  
“Why didn’t you say something?” he asked after what seemed like forever. His eyes were trained on the horizon.  
Tom gulped. “I didn’t- I didn’t know if you were gay, a-and if you were I didn’t want to be the one to out you…”  
Harrison rubbed a thumb over his own wrist. Where the name would be. He looked at Tom for the first time that evening, a shine over his eyes. “And?”  
Tom sighed. “I was scared,” he said quietly, bringing the cigarette to his mouth, breathing in and out. “I didn’t want to mess up our friendship if it was another Harrison, or if you got someone else. And I mean, you don’t have to be with me because I don’t even know if you’re gay or bi at the least or-”  
He stopped because something was stopping him from continuing. A set of lips on his own. Harrison’s lips. The dirty-blonde boy pulled away a miniscule amount, letting out a small breath that puffed onto Tom’s lips. Tom looked him in the eyes, a doe-like shock in his own. He blinked once before a smile broke out on his face and his hooked his hand around Harrison’s neck, pushing their lips back together in a deeper kiss. Tom’s lips, thin yet soft, gently locked over Harrison’s as the taller boy’s hands went up to tangle in brunette locks. The taste of cigarettes mixed with strawberry-flavored chapstick was all that was between their mouths as they kissed. When they both pulled away to catch their breath, their foreheads pressed together and their arms wrapped around each other. Tom moved his head to bury his nose into Harrison’s collarbone while Harrison inhaled the scent of Tom’s hair.  
“I’m glad you feel the same way,” Tom mumbled. A warm feeling had spread through his chest and it only grew warmer as he felt Harrison’s heartbeat.  
“Me too,” Harrison whispered. “I- I was scared too. I thought maybe you didn’t tell me because you didn’t want to be my friend anymore, but when I saw your name today, I just- I figured you were scared of losing me or you didn’t want me. I’m glad it was the former.”  
“What do we do now?”  
Harrison sighed. “I don’t know, Tommy. We’re together now, right? But… I don’t want to cause you to go through any more shit at school or at home.”  
“I don’t want to drag you into it,” Tom whispered, moving his head so he could look Harrison in the eyes. “I just… want to be happy. With you.”  
“And I do too. But you. To be happy,” he said, laughing a bit at himself. Tom chuckled and pecked his lips again. The sun was pretty much behind the horizon now, and the moon shone proudly in the sky. The boys linked hands as they hopped off the back of the truck and crushed their cigarettes. Harrison drove Tom back home, stopping outside his driveway.  
“Do you think you’ll ever tell your dad?” Harrison asked, gently thumbing his name on Tom’s wrist. Tom glanced out the car window at his house with the lights on.  
“I don’t know,” he said quietly. “I might not have a choice.” He looked at Harrison with a sad smile. “I’ll be okay, just focus on yourself now. Don’t get outed until you’re ready.”  
Harrison nodded and gave Tom one last kiss. “See you Monday.”  
“Bye Hazzy.”  
Tom jumped out of the car and ran up to the door, slipping inside with one last glance at the boy sitting in the truck. Harrison gave him a wave before driving off to his own house. When he was out of sight, Tom shut the door behind him and glanced around the house. His dad was sitting by the lamp with a book in his hands. Harry, Sam, and Paddy were all holding controllers in front of the TV and playing Mario Kart. Dom looked up at him with a slight frown.  
“Where’ve you been?”  
All three of his brothers turned to look at him. Tom gulped and fiddled with the hem of his sleeve. “I- I was just out with Harrison. It’s his birthday today.”  
Dom nodded. “Did he get his mark?”  
Tom hesitated. “Uh no. Not yet.”  
His father leaned back in his chair and sighed. “Seems everyone’s getting later and later. Hell, you haven’t even gotten yours…” He paused and sniffed. “Have you been smoking?”  
Tom instantly froze up. Dom had caught him about a year ago and told him to stop, even if it was a rare occurrence. “D-dad, I-”  
Harry, Sam, and Paddy all apparently took this as their cue to leave, since they dropped their controllers and scurried off to play elsewhere. Dominic stood and walked over to Tom, grabbing his arm and pushing him against the wall. “The fuck do you think you’re doing, going out their and hanging out with bad influences?” he snarled. “I told you, I don’t like that boy. He’s just a lazy ass like his father, probably a fag.”  
Tom tensed and clenched his eyes shut. He tried to think of his mother. His mother. Nikki.  
“Listen to me!” his father yelled, hitting him upside the head. “I don’t you to even touch another cigarette so long as you’re under my roof. You can hang out with Harrison, but I don’t ever want to see you an’ him smoking doobies anywhere. If I hear of this from anyone… don’t think I won’t be punishing you.” He let go of Tom’s arm and sighed, running a hand down his face. “Dinner is in the fridge, then get to bed. There’s some wood that needs cutting up in the yard, so you can do that tomorrow.” With that, he shuffled off into the house towards his room. Tom took a deep breath and slumped against the wall, wiping at his eyes with the sleeves of his hoodie. It smelled like smoke, but it also smelled like Harrison. He didn’t want to wash it.  
But now he knew that he could probably never come out to his dad. Not until he had a place to stay and money to sustain himself. Maybe Harrison, too. He heated up the leftover lasagna and brought it to his room, where he sat at his desk and watched Netflix until he could hardly keep his eyes open. Harrison had texted him about seeing each other over the weekend, but Tom had flopped into his bed and fell asleep before he could reply.  
The next day was uneventful. Tom went out and chopped some wood, making sure to keep his hoodie sleeve low so that his dad wouldn’t see the mark. He texted Harrison briefly about meeting up the next day, but this time Tom would walk to his place and they would catch a movie. Like any teenage couple’s dream, the theater happened to be empty. They ended up watching about 30 percent of the movie before they started making out and at one point Tom even ended up straddling Harrison’s lap. They stopped before they could go any further, since they both agreed it would be way too soon to do anything on the first date,  
The movie finally ended and they went to eat at McDonald’s, which Tom said was the most romantic gesture of their whole first date. Harrison had laughed and rolled his eyes, stealing some more of Tom’s fries with a cheeky wink. Neither of them wanted to have to go back to school the next day, but at least they would be able to see each other.  
And so, when they arrived at school the next day, the two of them met up in the boy’s bathroom and greeted each other with a small kiss. Though they desperately wanted to hold hands in the hallway, they agreed that it was better to not draw attention and cause any problems.  
That is, until, PE. Tom didn’t have gym that day but Harrison did. He had been getting changed when one of the guys noticed his mark and everyone crowded around to see it, asking who the girl was. Harrison tried to play it off as a doodle but they grabbed his wrist and pinned it against the lockers. Everyone’s faces fell when they read a boy’s name, specifically Tom’s.  
“So the rumors are true?” one of them sneered. Charlie. “Tom DID have your name written on his wrist when he turned sixteen. And now you’re each other’s little faggots? Cute.”  
Harrison winced and yanked his wrist from the boy’s grip. “Leave him out of it. He shouldn’t have any more trouble.”  
“Oh, did you even tell him?” another boy laughed. “Or maybe you’re forcing him into it. Is he being a good boy for you?”  
Harrison’s eyes started to well up. “S-stop, guys, it’s not like that-”  
Charlie shoved him against the lockers and got up close to his face. “Yeah, no wonder. You wouldn’t want someone puny like him. I bet you don’t even-”  
Harrison brought his knee up and hit Charlie in the balls. The other boys gathered around Harrison and kicked at him, calling him names and taking a black marker to scrawl those words around his mark…  
Harrison woke up with a gasp. Cold sweat poured down his forehead as he stumbled to get out of bed and splash some water on his face. He glanced at himself in the mirror before he collapsed against the sink and started bawling. One part of him was happy that it was all a dream: another part feared that it might actually happen. It was 4:30, so he didn’t bother trying to go back to sleep. He got ready for school and walked since he had some extra time to clear his head. When he got to the entrance of the school he stopped and fidgeted with the strap of his backpack. _He’d be fine. It’ll all be okay. And Tom will be there, even if you can only display a platonic relationship, there’s always time after school…_ he took a deep breath and stepped inside. He shouldn’t be this nervous: it was just another school day, except he had his soulmark and was actually dating his soulmate… he’d be fine. Fine. Fine.  
Somehow, he made it to his locker and Tom was tapping his shoulder.  
“You alright Hazzy?” Tom asked, refraining from massaging his shoulder with his thumb. Harrison nodded and gave a weak smile.  
“Y-yeah, I’m good.”  
“Cool.” Tom nudged his shoulder and gestured with his head towards the bathroom. Harrison hesitated only slightly: his bad dream started with a kiss in the bathroom. He shook his head and followed after Tom, deciding that it was nothing. They shared a quick kiss before someone else came in and they pretended to be washing their hands. The two boys quickly hurried out, Tom laughing and giving Harrison the most beautiful toothy grin he’d ever seen. Tom seemed to glow when he smiled, his eyes squinting and nose scrunching as the world around them slowed down when he laughed. Harrison could feel his heart rate increasing and a smile crept onto his own lips as he watched the brunette. He guessed that this is what it was like to fall in love with someone: it was the little moments, really. Seeing Tom dazed and in love after their makeout session in the theater… when his face was pressed into Harrison’s shoulder after they shared their first kiss.  
One might think a sixteen year-old is too young to be experiencing a feeling like this, but Tom’s name burned hot on his wrist. As did Harrison’s on Tom’s skin.  
But they were drawn back to reality when Harrison nearly knocked Zendaya over, catching her as she fell. She looked up at him with a mock-pout/frown. He didn’t even know how she managed to pull off that look.  
“Might want to watch where you’re going instead of ogling someone’s ass, Osterfield.”  
Tom snorted and bit his lip, giving Harrison a cheeky look. Harrison let out a breathy chuckle and glanced between Tom and Z. “Uh yeah, sorry… well at least I caught you…?”  
Zendaya raised an eyebrow at him. “I see,” she said. “You finally got your soulmark and now…” she snorted and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “Don’t worry, your secrets are safe with me. It’s about goddamn time, Thomas Stanley Holland. Took you long enough.”  
“Well, I did only get my mark on Friday-”  
Zendaya shot Harrison a look. “Still, he could’ve at least hinted at something…”  
It was then that the bell rang, and the school day began. Harrison was dreading PE, so he made a plan to get changed in the showers instead of by the lockers where he usually did. And he would have to keep his hoodie on as an extra precaution, but it’s not like they were doing anything serious in that class…  
Tom, however, was dealing with his own demons. The demons that were the girls in his English class. It seemed as though they existed to torture him about that one moment when his sleeve first fell down and outed him to basically the entire school.

That was their sophomore year. Nothing too big happened after that since they were able to successfully keep their relationship on the low instead of making a mess of it and coming out to everyone. They considered that to be a miracle, especially when it was so hard to hide the names at some occasions. Harrison’s parents found out, but they were super accepting and invited Tom over for dinner as soon as they did. That was the night before the anniversary of their first date, which Harrison had been planning for weeks without Tom knowing.  
It was that Monday. Tom had been subtly hinting at the anniversary all day, trying to see if Harrison remembered… or if he had actually forgotten such an important day in their relationship. He had given up and was heading home when Harrison pulled up beside him in his car and pushed open the door.  
“Wanna get out of here?” Harrison asked, lifting his sunglasses up and giving Tom a wink. Tom laughed and nodded, climbing into the car to give his boyfriend a hug and a kiss. “Happy Anniversary, babe,” Harrison whispered. “Come on. I’ve got movie tickets, then a picnic and the perfect place to go to eat it.”  
They went to the movie theater and were able to view some of the episodes of Stranger Things they were showing that night. After a few episodes, the two boys went back to the car hand-in-hand. Tom held Harrison’s hand over the stick as he drove to the place where they had their first kiss. They set up the back of the truck for a picnic and laid back with their hands intertwined just above the spot on the blanket where the food basket was. They talked for a bit and laughed as the stars came out before they started pointing out real constellations and making up fake, silly ones. Eventually they settled down and shared a cigarette as they continued to stargaze.  
“Hey Tom?” Harrison whispered, turning his head to look at the brunette.  
“Yeah Haz?”  
Harrison blinked and gave a small smile. “I love you.”  
Tom returned the smile and squeezed his hand. “And I love you too, my Hazza.”  
Both boys laughed before kissing for a moment and cleaning up their picnic date. When they drove back to Tom’s house, Tom dragged his boyfriend inside instead of sending him home. It was a school night, so everyone else was already asleep as they went to Tom’s bedroom. That was the first time they had gone farther than stripping to their boxers. They were able to see each other fully, but they didn’t make love that night. They simply held one another and their hips gently rutted together before they both silenced their moans in each other’s shoulders, sweaty and gross but sated and smiling. Harrison quickly cleaned himself up and left Tom with a kiss before crawling out the window to his car. And all was well.  
The next day, however, would be one of the worst days of both of their lives. Someone, probably one of the preppy gossip girls who seemed to be everywhere, no matter where in the school building at what time of day had gotten pictures of: Tom and Harrison’s soulmarks and the two boys kissing under the bleachers at Homecoming. And whoever it was had gone and emailed it to the entire school. The school staff and administrators, of curse, had no idea this was happening. But when Harrison and Tom came into school that day, everyone went silent and stared. Some in disgust. Some in shock. Others with pity, or sadness, or they didn’t care enough to get involved. But the boys hadn’t found out about the pictures until Zendaya slowly walked up to them with a sad look on her face. She held out her phone to them and the two boys glanced over it. They saw the pictures. All the comments. They felt everyone’s eyes on them.  
Zendaya tucked her phone back into her pocket and looked between the boys. “I’m so sorry,” she said quietly.  
Tom looked at the crowd around them. Without a sound, he grabbed the straps of his backpack and sprinted out of the school. He didn’t stop until his legs and lungs were on fire, so he collapsed for a moment and just sat there to catch his breath. He stood up, wiped off his pants, and made his way home. Dom was working and the other brothers were at school. Harrison was stuck in hall, Shock written all over his face. His eyes started to water as people began to mumble amongst themselves. He took a deep breath and sent a hard glare to the students around him.  
“Bastards,” he mumbled, turning and storming out the doors after Tom. It was only when he was a good couple blocks away from the school that he began crying, making his way to Tom’s house with tears clouding his vision. Before he got to the house, he cleaned himself up and wiped at his eyes. They were still a little red and puffy, and his nose was running. He went to the back of the building and pushed the window to Tom’s room open, falling inside onto the floor. He looked up to the bed, where Tom was lying on his side, shoulders shaking and quiet sobs piercing Harrison’s heart.  
He was holding a picture, running his thumb around the wooden frame. Harrison slowly moved up behind him and gently put a hand on his shoulder. Tom flinched and turned to look at the other boy. Harrison gave him a small, sad smile and grabbed a tissue from the box on his bedside table. Tom sat up and set the picture beside him on the bed. Using the tissue, Harrison silently wiped away Tom’s tears and got a new one to clean up his nose. After tossing the tissues aside, he took a seat next to Tom and took his hand, gently rubbing small circles on his skin. Tom tried to hold back his tears but he couldn’t, turning into Harrison’s chest and sobbing, tears and snot staining his boyfriend’s shirt. Of course, he didn’t care. He just rubbed the boy’s back and whispered little words of comfort as Tom let it all out. He pressed a kiss to Tom’s shoulder and let a few tears of his own slip down his cheeks.  
“It was bad e-enough be-before,” Tom sobbed, clinging onto the blonde. “B-but now the w-whole school knows a-and it’ll only get worse-“  
He was full on breaking down, and it hurt Harrison’s heart like a thousand needles.  
“A-and my dad will find out, and he- who knows what he’ll s-say! Or do!”  
Tom curled up tighter in Harrison’s lap. His face wore an expression of what could almost be interpreted as anguish as his shoulders heaved and sounds unimaginable escaped his lips. What might’ve been about one or two hours later, Tom was asleep in Harrison’s arms. The taller boy laid the brunette down and cleaned up his face again, kissing his forehead. He put the photo aside and covered Tom up with his blanket, adjusting his pillows so he was resting more naturally. He stood up to leave but a hand grabbed his wrist and gave a feeble tug.  
“Stay,” Tom mumbled sleepily.  
Harrison sighed and toed off his shoes, crawling under the blankets with Tom, who immediately cuddled into his chest. Harrison smiled as his heart warmed, even if their life at school might be completely ruined. At least they had each other.  
The two boys were jolted awake when the front door off Tom’s house slammed. Tom pushed Harrison out of bed and towards the window. The blonde grabbed his shoes and backpack, falling back out into the mud beneath Tom’s window just as his bedroom door opened and Dom stepped through.  
“Tom? What’s this about you not being in school today?” he asked, his tone harsh and slightly raised.  
Tom panicked. “I uh… I wasn’t feeling so good so I just walked home and… I figured you wouldn’t want any trouble-“  
“Who’s sweatshirt is that?” Dom asked, picking up… Harrison’s hoodie. He must’ve left it in his hurry to get out the window. Dom lifted the hoodie up to his nose and sniffed. “Smells like cigarettes… not that boy Harrison’s is it? Was he here?”  
“N- no he wasn’t,” Tom said quietly. “Not today. Must’ve been from... the last time he was over, he’s pretty uh… pretty forgetful.”  
Dom raised an eyebrow at him and put the hoodie down. “Why don’t you invite him over sometime soon, eh?” he said. “Been a while since I’ve last seen him.”  
Tom nodded. “Y-yeah. I’ll call him up.”  
“Not going to school tomorrow?”  
“I still don’t feel all that great,” Tom said, lying back in bed and pulling the blanket over himself. “I might not be up for dinner.”  
“Right,” Dom said, walking to the door. “Let me know if you need anything.”  
“Yeah.”  
The door shut. Tom let out a shaky breath and turned his face into his pillow, muffling his sobs in the fabric. He hated himself, he hated the people at school, hated that he was gay, hated his soulmark- no. He sniffed and looked down at the mark. _Harrison_. He couldn’t hate his mark. Hating it would be like hating Harrison, and dammit, he loved Harrison so much. He just wished it didn’t happen like this. That they were able to keep their relationship a secret until they graduated and they could go to college and have their own lives and be _free_.  
He pressed a kiss to the name and brought wrapped his arms around himself, falling asleep with tear-stained cheeks but a warm heart nonetheless.  
Harrison, meanwhile, had been walking home with mud on his clothes and in his hair. It was still raining as he got to his house and stepped inside, his mother automatically wrapping him up with a towel and scrubbing him till he was dry. Then he went upstairs to take a shower. As he stood in the spray of water, he let it splatter on his face and flatten down his hair. He kept thinking about Tom, and what he’d have to go through now that the likelihood of his dad finding out that he was gay had practically skyrocketed. He thought about what would happen when… or if, even… he went back to school. Tom had already gotten it bad, but now they both had to deal with being outed like that. He let a few years escape before he nearly collapsed, holding himself up against the wall as he tried to take a few deep breaths.  
When he was finished, he got into his pajamas and went down to the kitchen to eat dinner with his family. It was silent until his mom asked him why she’d gotten a call about him not being at school. He set down his fork and stared at his plate. His father and sister slowed their chewing and everyone stared at him expectantly.  
He didn’t want to cry. He was seventeen, for Christ’s sale. But as he lower lip trembled and his vision blurred, he had no choice but to let the sobs out. His entire family gathered around him and held him as he cried, deep sobs tearing from his throat. It took awhile for him to calm down, but not nearly as long as it had for Tom.  
He explained how some girl had shared pictures of him and Tom together, doing couple-y things. How today when they walked into the school, everyone stopped and stared and started whispering cruel things about him and his boyfriend.  
In the end, his mom gave him a kiss on the forehead and let him go up to his room for some rest. He did, not before hugging everyone in his family and thanking them for being so understanding.But when he went back up to his room, he crawled into his bed and closed his eyes, trying not to think about what would happen when he went back to school. Whenever that would be.  
The next day, Harrison spent the day in his house. He couldn’t help but feel a bit stir-crazy and he ended up driving to Tom’s road and parking at the end of the street in case his dad saw his car and freaked.  
When he didn’t see Dom’s car in the driveway, he went up to the door and rang the bell. It took a few minutes, but Tom answered looking exhausted with red-rimmed eyes and a flush nose.  
“Hazza?” he whispered. Harrison gave him a little smile and waved.  
“Hey Tom.”  
Tom threw the door open and tackled Harrison, hugging him so tightly the taller boy was sure he couldn’t breathe. He moved out of the embrace and looked down at Tom.  
“How’re you doing?” he asked quietly.  
Tom sighed and rested his head against Harrison’s chest. “Not good. You really shouldn’t be here, I don’t know when my dad will be back.”  
“Screw him,” Harrison replied. “I needed to see you and at least make you feel a little better.” Tom did wake up, but he couldn’t find the motivation to get up. He just stared at the floor next to his bed, feeling empty and numb. His phone went off a couple times, but they were all his friend’s ringtones. He couldn’t talk to them right now. He just wanted to be alone.  
But he wanted Harrison.  
But he didn’t want to be a burden.  
A burden. Burden. Burden.  
He pulled the blanket tighter around himself, his loud sniff breaking the silence of the room. He picked up the picture on his nightstand and let out a sob at the sigh of his mother. If she was here, she would know about Harrison. Tom would’ve introduced him as his boyfriend as soon as it happened. And right now, she would be stroking Tom’s hair and singing to him as he told her about what had happened at school. How everyone hated him, and Harrison too, and it was all his fault. He could almost feel her fingers carding through his curls, her lap beneath his head, almost hear her gently humming his favorite song. He looked up. Auburn hair, kind brown eyes, freckles and a perfect smile.  
_“It’ll be alright, Thomas.”_  
“M-mum?”  
She gently shushes him. He can feel himself… falling back asleep? Waking up?  
“ _Just hold on.”_  
Tom jolted up in his bed, breathing heavily and crying more. He brought his knees up to his chest and heaved into the blanket, wanting nothing more than to hug his mother and stay like that forever. But he couldn’t. But there was another option.  
With a shaking hand, he reached for his phone and scrolled through to find Harrison’s number. On the floor beside his bed, the picture of his mum and brothers looked up at him. Harrison picked up.  
“Tom?” a tired, hoarse, and barely recognizable voice said through the speaker. “Tom, is that you?”  
Tom’s eyes began to water and it stung. His mouth dried up and he focused on his mother’s eyes.  
“Tom? Tom, are you… still there?”  
He cleared his throat. “Hazzy…” he said, his voice raspy. “Can you come over?”  
A pause. Tom’s heart hammered in his chest.  
“Be there in five.”

Harrison assumed Dominic wasn’t home, but he parked at the end of the street nonetheless and walked to Tom’s house. When he got to the front door, he rang the bell and took a step back, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking at his shoes. The lock clicked and Harrison’s head shot up as it slowly creaked open. It fell open all the way and both boys stood still for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes. Tom silently took a step forward, and Harrison did the same. In one swift movement, Harrison’s arms were wrapped around Tom’s shoulders and Tom’s were hooked underneath Harrison’s armpits in a deep and meaningful embrace. They didn’t move away for a long amount of time, clinging to each other like they were the last to people on earth and it was the end of the world. Tom pulled away and crushed his lips against Harrison’s, his eyes clenched shut. Their lips were mushed between their faces, but they didn’t care. It was hard and messy and everything two boys like them might need after being outed, being alone, and crying over both things. Harrison pulled away, practically out of breath, and leaned his forehead against Tom’s. Tom looked him in the eyes and they both stumbled inside, fortunately not knocking into things on the way to Tom’s room. They fell back on his bed and Harrison straddled Tom, their lips seemingly never separating as clothes were shed. When both boys were only in their boxers, Harrison stopped to look down at Tom, who had flushed cheeks and whose chest was rising and falling at a rapid pace. His lips were shiny and pink from their kissing, and the tent in his boxers- Harrison bit back a moan.  
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered.  
Tom blushed further and pried his eyes open to look up at a boy with messy hair and equally pink features. “As are you.”  
Harrison let out a small laugh before lying down next to Tom, who turned on his side to face the taller boy.  
“I just- if we’re going to take this step, I need to know that if you ever need to stop, or want me to stop, please say something.”  
Tom reached over to cup Harrison’s cheek. “You know I will. I- I love you, Harrison.”  
Harrison leaned over and captured Tom’s lips with his own, soft and slow. A little nip. “I love you more, Thomas.”  
Boxers were thrown across the room, and it was just skin against skin. Both of them needed this, just to feel each other and be the other’s anchor. At one point, the two of them had begun to cry from the sheer love for one another combined with the events of the past two days. It was in no way perfect, but nothing was and it meant a lot for them. They just had each other, and maybe that was all they needed. Tom couldn’t hold back and eventually they both peaked, crying out and sliding off one another. Harrison was panting and shaking as he fumbled for Tom’s hand, locking their fingers together.  
“H-Holy shit,” he wheezed.  
“You got t-that right,” Tom barely replied. “That was- something else-”  
“No kidding.”  
They slid the duvet over their bodies and burrowed deeper into the mattress, forgetting all else. Harrison smiled, for the first time since the school incident. Tom’s thumb gently rubbed against his, and they just basked in each other’s company as one gazed into the other’s eyes with relaxed expressions.  
“You know, I don’t care what anyone else thinks,” Harrison said suddenly, pulling Tom against his chest and rubbing his back. “I want to be with you, because… you’re my best friend, Tommy, more than that. We were meant for each other, and I feel that even if we didn’t have this slightly messed up system… we’d have ended up together anyways.”  
Tom sighed and closed his eyes, burying his nose into Harrison’s shoulder. “I do, too, Hazza. You’re the best ever,” he mumbled tiredly. Harrison smiled a dopey smile and kissed Tom’s curls as they both relaxed, wrapped up in each other’s embrace.  
That moment didn’t last long enough.  
Tom’s door was thrown open and Harrison nearly fell off Tom’s bed. Tom’s dad stood in the doorway, an unreadable expression on his face. He looked between the two boys, observing the messy sheets and bare chests.  
“D-dad!” Tom exclaimed. “I- I can explain-”  
Dom stared down at Harrison. “Grab your clothes and get out of here,” he said, his voice dangerously low.  
Harrison gulped. “Sir, I-”  
“Go,” he seethed, stepping aside from the doorway. Harrison flinched and gathered his clothing, taking a sheet and wrapping it around his hips as he rushed out of the room. He glanced back at Tom with a worried look before dropping the sheet, hurriedly pulling up his boxers and shimmying into his pants. Socks, shirt, and shoes in hand, he bolted out of the house towards his car. When he climbed inside, he slammed his head on the wheel and for what seemed like the billionth time that week, began to sob over what might be happening to Tom. And he had just run away.  
Dom was still staring at Tom, who’s breathing seemed to become more laborious by the second.  
“You fucking a fag like him?”  
Tom opened his mouth but no words came out. Dom laughed bitterly ran a hand over his hair. “Is he the only reason you’re skipping out on school? A dirty fuck or two…”  
“I-it’s not like th-”  
“Well then fucking explain why he was bloody naked in your bed, both of you sweaty like pigs and apparently the faggots you are!” he yelled. “FUCKING EXPLAIN THAT, TOM!”  
Tom’s eyes widened and he started shaking. “I- I love him, dad,” he whimpered. “I- he-”  
His father grabbed his wrist and yanked him from his bed, shoving his stomach against the wall. He pinned him against the cold surface and flipped his hand, slamming it back. He looked over the name on Tom’s wrist.  
“So you did get it,” Dom mumbled. “And it’s him.”  
He released Tom’s hand but turned him around so his back was against the wall now and slapped him. The younger boy stumbled and fell to the floor, but Dom didn’t stop and started kicking at Tom’s torso. “FUCKING WHORE!” he screamed. “FUCKING AROUND WITH BASTARDS LIKE HIM?”  
He grabbed Tom by his hair and dragged him through the hallway, into the kitchen. His other hand took Tom’s marked arm in his hand and twisted it into a position where he could break it. Tom cried out and begged him to stop, just please stop. He released him, but threw him back on the ground and began throwing books and random items at him.  
“IF I SEE YOU WITH HIM, I SEE ANY TRACE OF HIM- IF YOU FUCK HIM ONE MORE TIME, I’LL KILL BOTH OF YOU!”  
Tom curled up on the floor, nothing to cover himself but his arms and legs. He sobbed and shook violently. “I can’t help it, dad, I lo-”  
Dom lifted Tom up and slapped him again. “You don’t,” he growled. “You’re being delusional. It’d better just be a goddamn phase, those soulmarks don’t mean shit and you know it. He’s not your fucking soulmate. That was- a mistake. An accident. An anomaly. I don’t ever want to see that, so you’d best cover it up.”  
Tom just nodded hurriedly, wanting to escape his father’s grasp and just go back to bed. To cuddle with Harrison, and everything would be okay because they would be together- he was yanked out of his thoughts when Dom through him in the direction of the hallway. “Put some clothes on. You don’t have to go to school tomorrow, but the next day you will.”  
He let Tom go, who scrambled back into his room, his body aching, shame and embarrassment burning throughout him. When he got to his room, he slammed the door shut and collapsed against it, not holding anything back. Because it really hurt, it hurt him so much. To hear that having Harrison’s name on his arm was an anomaly.  
He couldn’t believe it. Because he and Harrison-!what he felt between them was like nothing he’d ever felt before. This isn’t what was supposed to happen when you met your soulmate… right? Your name was on their wrist for a reason, and vice versa. It couldn’t be a mistake… So the next day, while Dom was at work, Tom called Harrison to meet him at the gas station. He was bruised from what his dad had done, but he couldn’t really do anything about it. Harrison’s hoodie was draped over his hands as he anxiously paced in front of the station, scanning for any sign of the tall dirty-blonde. When the boy stepped into view, Tom bit his lip and his eyes welled up. Harrison slowly walked towards him, wearing his wool-lined jean jacket.  
He stopped in front of him.  
“Tommy…” he whispered, observing one of the marks on his face. Hesitantly, he reached a hand out to trace the bruise. Tom leaned his cheek into the palm of his hand and pressed a kiss to the skin.  
“S’ my fault,” Harrison said quietly, his lower lip trembling. “He hurt you because of me…”  
Tom shook his head. “No, no it’s never your fault,” he whispered. He cupped Harrison’s face in his own hands and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I- I love you, so much.”  
“Don’t do this,” Harrison begged. “Tom, don’t… don’t do this…”  
“I’m so sorry,” he cried. “I’m- I have to. For us. For you.”  
Harrison shook his head, letting it a sob and pulling Tom into a tight hug. Tom’s eyes watered and he didn’t react for a moment, in shock of what he felt when Harrison simply embraced him like this. He clamped his arms around the taller boy and pressed his nose into his shoulder, both stumbling a bit at the feeling.  
“I love you too,” Harrison whispered. “Don’t you ever forget that. I love you so goddamn much.”  
They broke apart. Tom looked into Harrison’s eyes for what seemed like forever. Until Tom’s phone went off. It was his dad.

“Listen, Hazzy-“ he looked up from the screen.

He was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MUAHAHAHAHA A CLIFFHANGER!! I’m so sorry. Part Two will be coming... sometime. <3 thanks for reading!


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